week two: ch-ch-check

I made it through week two. We had our ups and downs, but overall I feel good about it. I am realizing just how crazy this whole experience is. Each day I am learning more about this community and through that learning about myself. Yesterday was crazy, maybe because it was Friday, it was raining and they are getting a little too comfortable. I am not quite sure what the students deal was. I have never seen such disrespect. They really just have no sense of respect – I wonder how they say the things they do and not feel ashamed. A couple of sixth graders were mouthing off to me because I asked them to stop talking while the principal was making the announcements. One girl said, “I don’t give a shit” and the boy next to her said, “My mama says I can say whatever the fuck I want.” It was all I could do to stop my jaw from dropping. How can you say that to a teacher? How can you say that to anyone? It makes me so embarrassed for them.


I am so glad my students are at the age where they still have some sense of intimidation from adults. I do not want them to be afraid of me – I just want respect and for them to respect their classmates too! It kills me when I see or hear them being so mean and rude to each other. Its crazy, they know how bad it feels when someone says something mean to them, but they always snap right back. They need to learn to hold their tongues. I think I need to have a little mini lesson on the golden rule next week.


I question why these kids think they are kings and queens. Why are they so mean? What makes them calloused? And then it hit me, how naive can I be? These third graders have had so many hard and tragic experiences in their few years. A big brother died of cancer when he was 13. One wears the same clothes(that are not in uniform) everyday – they get dirtier and dirtier each day. He told me that his mom didn’t have enough money to pick him up and take him to the hotel and that is why he couldn’t get his papers signed. A cousin of one of my students fell from the roof when they were waiting to get rescued off of a roof after Katrina. She was 3 years old, she drowned in the floodwaters. A father was shot in the head and burned to death just last year. They have lost family members, they have witnessed violence, they lived through one of the most destructive natural disasters in history. How can I come in and compare my experience as a third grader with their lives? It is just not fair. I need to be understanding and loving, but I can’t make excuses for them. They need to learn that our classroom is a safe place for them. A place where respect for all is mandatory and a place to feel comfortable and express themselves in a positive way.


Then of course there is the fact that they do need to learn A LOT. I need to teach them everything to help them pass the third grade! They are so far behind and at so many different levels. One will finish the entire assignment before three others have even written their name on the paper. With only 12 students I am already struggling to make it around the room to hold them accountable for staying focused, help them each step along the way, or give them enrichment activities if necessary. I just want them to want it for themselves. They don’t know how to work hard – they are missing the dedication, I need to get them invested. I am so far from where I need to be as a teacher. This is the most difficult thing I have ever done. How do I give these children all they deserve and need.


I am so confused and upset about how behind most of them are. How is it possible to make it to the third grade without being able to read and barely write. What did their past teachers have them do? Were they just excused from doing the work because they couldn’t read the directions? What do their parents/families think?


Sometime tomorrow I am going to have to head over to Fannie C. so get some work done in my classroom. We have our open house on Monday and I really want my room to look good. I am sure the construction workers will be there to heckle me. They are always working hard to get our school completed – they are there when I get to school before seven and when I leave at 5. They like to make comments like, “What grade are you in?” or “YOU are the teacher?” They think they are so funny.