sicky sick

I have spent more time in my bed, watching TV, sleeping, on the internet than I have in longer than I can remember. I hate being sick...my head pounds, I can't stop coughing, my throat hurts, and my voice is ridiculous. I went to the doctor and got some medicine it better be kicking in here soon. Luckily I already had a three day weekend to rest, but I am out of school today. I feel kind of guilty not going to school. But I guess I wouldn't be that much of a help without a voice.

This past week was very rough. My kids are out of control, I am really struggling. I just do not know what the answer is. I have been asking for advice, but it always seems like what they say I already know. They tell me I am too nice, but I guess the problem is I just don't really know how to make that change. These kids don't know much about respect because it is not a trait that they see everyday. Kids pick up on things and if they are not exposed to respectful behavior they aren't going to show it themselves. I know my kids can stay quiet and listen, because I see them do it with other teachers. I was so frustrated one day I asked them, not really expecting an answer, why they do not stay quiet when I am talking and little Jamiya said it was because I am too nice. It blew my mind - such opposite thinking - I would have the desire to respect the nice person more instead of less. Its obvious it is something I need to work on if my kids are picking up on it. I just need them to work for me or really work for themselves!!! How do you teach kids work ethic, how do you invest them in their education. Right now I need to get them through this week and when we come back from Thanksgiving make some major changes.

This experience has been such a different challenge than all those I have faced in the past. My hard work has always made me successful. I have made goals and accomplished them with excellence. This is a humbling experience - I cannot be great at everything. Its just hard because I know that my success at his is not only effecting me, but the education of 15 little kids. My core mentor told me the only way to fail is to quit...I know that will not happen.

I feel like I am being such a downer right now...
On a more positive note, KJ IS COMING!!!! Only 3 days until she comes, I can hardly believe it! It is going to be so fun! I better be completely healthy by then. She will be here for an entire week so we will have lots of time to explore. I have professional development on Monday and Tuesday, but they shouldn't be too long of days.